Helen Cocaine Mirren

Whoever said wisdom comes with age didn't know Helen Mirren. She has the emotional depth and intellectual gravitas of a geriatric Paris Hilton. She is a complete narcissist. This article reminded me of exactly why I loathe her.

Gay Until Graduation

Although I haven't been following the controversy too closely, it seems that young Miss Perry has stirred up the gays, the chattering classes and even her parents. Since I first heard the song, I've had a love/hate relationship with it. I love the catchy tune, but I hate the incredibly stupid lyrics. It's the same old media stunt, perfected by Madonna and repeated endlessly ever since. Ultimately, as far as trenchant social commentary goes, "I Kissed a Girl" belongs to the same category as "Papa Don't Preach". Having seen the video, it becomes obvious that Perry is simply ticking all the white girl experimenting boxes. It was one tired cliche after another: soft porn, lipstick lesbian fantasies, pillow fights, and a yummy brother waiting in bed at home. This decade is turning out to be so fucking boring. The kind of sexuality that used to represent a sense of danger, of bravery, of difference, has now been assimilated and airbrushed by mainstream media. Crap like this makes celibacy look interesting.

Derek Alexander Must-Have

While shopping with my mom this weekend, I spotted this item from Derek Alexander. It's a double-sided credit card holder with snapping straps to keep everything in place. It's gorgeous in red, less so in the pictured combination. Hugely inventive and practical too.

Desperately Seeking Susan

It's Madonna's birthday, so the music channels are dedicating their programming to her madgesty. I'm watching her first major-release film and remembering all the reasons why I liked Madam M when I was younger. She was funny. The film itself was very good. I love the goofball comedy and girls-on-top conclusion. When I watched Roberta rescue Susan by smashing the bottle on the mob guy's head, I knew there was a different sensibility informing this film than any I had seen previously. Madonna brought me to an awareness of independent film. Not a bad thing, I suppose.

Asking for Flowers

Although it was released a few months ago, I haven't really had a chance to get into Kathleen Edwards new album. It is country-alt perfection, packed with biting lyrics and clever melodies. I especially like the title track. She's certainly matured as an artist but lost none of her wistfulness. Just more proof that Canada is not only the home of brilliant comedians but also talented singer-songwriters. Am hugely into Canadian music now, including the retro stuff. I loaded up a bunch of really earnest early Randy Bachman stuff. It's solid.

Space Bags

I've been watching too much cable and am hankering after all kinds of new inventions and time-saving devices. Making pasta on the stove is a lot of work! Yes, I would like to treat my acne in three easy steps. And, of course, I want to stop wasting money on paper towels. But more than anything, I would like to shrink my winter sweaters down into little plastic pancakes, so I have three times the storage space.

Life with My Sister Madonna

Have been looking forward to this book since its release but only managed to pick up a copy this weekend at Costco. Raced through the book at a sickening pace and discovered the following:

1. Sucessfuly couching one's prose exclusively in the present tense is v. difficult and should not be undertaken by amateurs or journo hacks.

2. Mr. Ciccone's journey toward self-actualization has yet to truly begin.

3. Ditto his therapeutic adventures.

4. Bish plz, you brought this on yourself! You know she's no good for you. Just walk away.

Harsh words aside, it was a good read and the author sounded like he was not only good fun but hugely talented as well.

Reviews: Guardian, Times, NY Post